In the beginning it wasn't tragic, scary, or abusive. We were two normal people who fell in love. He was handsome, exciting, and fresh. I was starstruck, enthralled, and blinded. There were early signs, so many of them now that I look back. But as we all know, hindsight is always 20-20. We were together for several years before things went awry. Dated for 3 years before marrying. It wasn't until I got pregnant that everything changed. I was busy "nesting" and he was busy, "changing". Suddenly I was hormonal and he was no longer the center of attention. He grew angrier by the day and I began to cling on to a marriage that I was so afraid would disapear.
My husband was a law enforcement officer. A 20 year veteran of the NYPD. A detective with a decorated career that seemed to be full of integrity, honor, and trust. In 2004 I moved back home to Maine to be closer to my aging family. He still had 4 years to go before retirement. He worked in the city and came home to Maine on the weekends. It was happy life, difficult at times with the distance, but I was happy nonetheless. We were married in 2006 and I was happier than I've ever been. But in 2007 things took a drastic turn for the worse.
I had wanted children for years and finally got pregnant in 2007. It seemed perfect, the baby would be arriving just in time for my husband's retirement and fulltime move to Maine. If only it turned out to be that easy. My pregnancy was NOT easy. I was sick with pre-eclampsia and he was angry at life. I wasn't able to attend to his needs and he reminded me on a regular basis, just how helpless I had become.
Our daughter was born in February of 2008, much earlier than predicted as I delivered by emergency c-section. Complications were abundant but she was a survivor, full of fight, toughness, and strength. I envied her, loved her, and took care of her the best way I knew how. My husband retired from the NYPD in May of 2008. He worked part-time for local police departments in the area and also took a security guard job. We fully integrated into the community as a family. Me, the high school guidance counselor and sports coach, and him, the hometown cop that almost everyone loved. Our daughter was beautiful and healthy. We had a lovely home. From the outside, everything seemed perfect.
It is now 2011. My life has been torn apart. My husband and I separated almost 2 months ago. I discovered that he had been having an affair and he informed me on the day of our daughter's birthday party that he didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce. Four days following his bombshell announcement, he assaulted me once again. One month later, on March 10, 2011, he was arrested for domestic violence by 2 officers he used to work with. I only thought that this was finally the end of a tragic and abusive marriage. Little did I know that the nightmare had only begun.
Because of ongoing legal matters, pending criminal charges, and divorce proceedings I will use the pen name of "Ava". I only share my story in hopes that it will give strength to others out there who may be suffering in silence as I did for so long. This blog is not for the faint at heart. I will be discussing police abuse of power, law enforcement cover-ups, and a detailed account of my journey through our non-victim friendly court system. I can only hope that in the end, I'm still standing, still true to myself and my daughter, and regain some sort of belief in our justice system.
